Possibly
by xo.Tragic.xo
Summary: A Gundam Seed DESTINY fic.Happens around time after Shinn beats Kira.Kiku Nana is a new pilot aboard Minerva.Her gundam,Angel,she shall fight for justice,but how? She has compressed emotions she doens't show...will she find hope in friends,learn to love?
1. Act 1

Act 1 – A Feeling of Acceptance and Happiness 

I pushed the door open after the person within told me to come in. I felt…nervous even though it probably didn't show on my face.

"Kiku, I presume?" Talia Gladys beckoned me to sit down. I only nodded as she pushed on, "Welcome to the Minerva, I was informed you would be joining us from Chairman Durandal unexpectedly not long ago."

"You are Gladys, captain of the Minerva, pleasure to meet you," I said quietly, greeting her as I bowed politely.

"This man shall escort you to your new room, it's great to have you on the Minerva…and especially on our side." A man brought me out and we trudged through the clean empty hall. It smelled slightly of lemony disinfectant that gave me a little headache. Then…

Voices. Young voices coming from up ahead the hall. They made me even more nervous. I made sure to avoid their glances as I straightened my red uniform. It wasn't a good sign when they ceased talking abruptly after seeing my escort and I.

"Is she a pilot?" a calm voice asked my escort and I dared to look up. The one who spoke had long blond hair half covering his face and was accompanied by two others wearing a uniform.

My escort nodded curtly, "Ray Za Burrel, sir, this is Kiku Nana, she is the pilot of the Angel and is a new addition to our crew."

"The Angel?" a black haired boy said smiling slightly, "Welcome aboard the Minerva, I'm Shinn, Asuka Shinn."

"Uhm…thank you, pleasure to be here," I nervously said, "You're pilot of the Impulse, right?"

He nodded looking slightly surprised and amused altogether at the same time, "You heard of me?"

"The chairman is most proud of you," I smiled unsurely, "And I hear a lot from him."

"Oh, really?" the blond boy, Ray raised his eyebrows. He seemed too calm to me and somehow it was getting on my nerves and made me even more uncomfortable.

"How so?" Athrun Zala asked. He was also present, and his eyes narrowed on me, sort of like how a predator eyed its prey.

"Chairman Durandal is distantly related to me and," I bit my lip, "since my family died he has been in custody of me."

Silence isn't golden. This one certainly wasn't and seemed most uncomfortable and nerve-wracking. They must have had pity on me since they, in turn, looked uncomfortable after I mentioned I was an orphan.

"Miss Kiku, I should show you to your room now," my escort said politely, holding my bag. He broke the uncomfortable moment and I felt grateful.

"Hmm, could you take my bag to my room? I feel like going out for a stroll." I didn't wait for an answer, walking off then rather rudely. The Minerva was at port and would be leaving probably sometime soon but I just had to get out of there, the disinfectant was getting to my brain. And it made my head throb and caused me to over think in a way.

When I got off the Minerva I felt slightly better even with the polluted dirty air. Looking around I saw many things but then it struck me. I had nowhere to go. Going back just yet felt like suicide. So I stood there like a moron with my mind pretty much blanking out on me.

"Where are you going?" a figure stalked up to me, it was Shinn.

"I…seriously don't know…" I chuckled slightly insight of myself, "Anywhere but back there I guess…" I shrugged as he cracked me a smile.

"Well, you're going to be stuck on the Minerva for quite awhile after this."

"Shinn, do you know something?" I asked him even though I knew his answer and reaction.

"What?"

"When I walked off the ship I not only didn't know where to go but…I discovered I have no home now."

He stared at me with his red eyes, as I pressed further, "Even in custody of the chairman I have neither a home with him or a sense of belonging. My true home was the peaceful place that was destroyed.

"The irony of all this is why I hadn't noticed earlier," I laughed bitterly at my own realization and stupidity. I expected some form of laugh from him but his reaction and answer was not what I had expected.

"Your home is the Minerva now," he stated it rather simply, "Just like me. Our home is the Minerva. We both have no other place where we belong now. Except with one another."

"But I don't belong with you or Ray or that Athrun Zala! You all have each other while I'm just the stranger who came today. I belong with nobody and have nobody." My voice in strained monotone now, I had to be careful not to let him see my true emotions…I am only here for service after all, not some school with friends and popularity. Unneeded emotions were not necessary and only got in the way of this line of work.

"You do. Ever since you stepped foot onto that ship," he pointed at the Minerva, "You had become our companion and friend, and you belong with us now…because we are now your family, or maybe as close as it gets, and you are part of our family now…and families belong together, right?"

His face showed raw emotion, no restraint. I…sort of liked that of him. He reached out his hand for me, Asuka Shinn. And, I took it since I knew he truly believed I belonged with him and he belonged with me, even if it was only this moment, this second, and this day.

This was the start of friendship, possibly. _I think_. And I liked it, possibly, or impossibly, because he showed me acceptance then when I thought I had none at that point. He, in a way, _saved_ me from something unknown even to me even if that was inside of me. Could this raw emotion rising inside of me…be _happiness_? 


	2. Act 2

Act 2 – Guilt 

Being seen holding hands with Shinn was sort of embarrassing in a way, particularly around the Minerva as he gave me a small tour and especially when the Captain Talia Gladys spotted us. As we gave her a tiny salute she seemed to disregard the fact we were holding hands and stalked off after giving us both in return a nod in greeting. But then we happened to bump into Athrun and Ray.

"Hey Ray, Athrun!" Shinn cheerfully smiled. He didn't seem to mind to be seen holding hands with me or the glances the other members of the crew gave us. On the other hand, me, was an utterly different tale altogether.

"Hey Shinn, Nana," the two greeted us but stared at our linked hands. Ray seemed to raise his eyebrows in curiosity but didn't say anything.

"Shinn, Chairman Durandal requests to see us, he says he has something to show us," Athrun said, "He sounded quite excited."

"Oh, really? Haven't seen him face-to-face in quite awhile," his red eyes sparkled as a beam extended across his face. I didn't get this thing about him, how was seeing the chairman such an excellent thing? I detested that man even if he is kind enough to maintain custody of me even though I am most bitter towards him. I resolved then I would try to steer clear of speaking of Durandal when I was around them, they didn't require knowing personal information about me even if they were to become my friends.

"We better get going," Athrun nodded in my direction and went off. Shinn lingered a moment longer as we watched Athrun grow farther and farther off. Then he at last let go of my hand, resting his own on my arm tenderly.

"I'll see you later, okay?" he inaudibly whispered to me, in some way his words made me feel more reassured. I nodded faintly as he, in turn followed Athrun's lead and stalked off after him. I stood there watching his figure grow smaller in the distance, the warm feeling of being with someone that truly somewhat understood me slowly left my heart as I watched him retreat. The silence embraced me as my thoughts left momentarily.

Ray was first to speak up and it startled me vaguely but I regained my self-control just as quickly as it came, "I see Shinn and you have grown considerably close." His voice didn't demonstrate any much emotion with his calmness but the subject made me feel rather uncomfortable.

"I guess you can say that," I stated a little embarrassedly. And with that it ended our short conversation or exchange of words since it didn't sound quite like a conversation at all. We both went our separate ways. Mine to my room and him to who knows where.

The first thing I noticed when I stepped into my room was how clean and plain it looked, and the smell of that same lemony disinfectant I had grown hatred towards. My occupation space didn't quite appeal to me since I rather despised…perfection. It just didn't seem _right_. Well, didn't matter though, when the door closed behind me I flopped onto my hard mattress. The outline of a hard spring pressed against the side of my face but I chose to ignore it. My eyelids were cement and my body felt exhausted. I don't know why I hadn't noticed how tired I was before but right now I didn't have even enough energy to worry about it. My mind fell to oblivion, going absolutely blank. My breathing slowly turned from slightly ragged to a slow beat… In other words, I fell into a deep sleep.

…"""...

Before I knew it I awakened to an ear piercing sounding alarm going off. Something about a fugitive and I was to report to my gundam for a chase immediately. When I got outside my room there was loud ruckus and murmuring regarding whom the renegade was. I didn't want to believe it…

Athrun Zala.

That made me practically run all the way to my machine. I had just met Athrun although I had heard lots of him from Durandal. Why would he choose to deceive us? More importantly what is his intention? I wouldn't get these answers by just standing here and waiting, I had to move it. I had to do my responsibility over personal situations.

My gundam with me inside plummeted out like a speedy rocket. And instantly I went after Athrun. I didn't wish to harm him but he was a fugitive and I had a duty to accomplish.

"Shinn, why are we chasing Athrun?!" I yelled into the radio and it took a few moments before he answered me.

"H-he's a spy."

Another gundam came before us as we neared Athrun. It was the Strike Rouge, the gundam of Lady Cagalli Yula Athha of Orb Union. She was with the Archangel.

"Stop!" her voice screamed and pierced my ears.

"Shinn, Ray, bring down Athrun and the Archangel! I'll deal with the Strike Rouge!" I commanded and they followed willingly.

"Please, stop!" Lady Cagalli's voice came out once more but this time I had a respond of my own.

"Listen up, princess!" I felt anger increase inside of me, "If you aren't here to fight then get out of the battlefield!" With a roar I slashed at her with my beam sword, it narrowly missed her. It would act as a warning. Her scream emitted from the radio waves and the Archangel came to assist her. I and to skillfully maneuver my way away from the missiles the Archangel attempted at me.

"Are you all right?" Ray's voice called to me.

I replied promptly as I aimed for the Strike Rouge, "Yeah, other than the fact the Archangel is backing up the Rouge! Could you divert the Archangel away while I take down the pink princess?" I dodged another wave of blasts from the Archangel… Damn, I couldn't even get close to her with the Archangel coming to support her…

"Sure thing!" Ray altered his course from pursuing Athrun to distracting the Archangel, "Shinn, take down Athrun no matter what!"

Time seemed go sluggish as I made an opportunity to shoot at the Strike Rouge. To my victory she indeed went down. I watched as fire ignited and the gundam crashed down to land. The Archangel, despite Ray, was on top of me right away.

I heard a faraway shot as I maneuvered away from the Archangel, it was Athrun. Shinn had shot him down. The Archangel seemed to withdraw afterward and the battle was over. Nothing seemed clear to me now, everything just breezed by.

When I got back on the Minerva something hit me in addition to the welcoming slaps from the celebrating crew. _Guilt_. I just had possibly killed someone, the representative from Orb Union…_what have I done_? And why did I feel this way...i mean, it was just my duty...

_Guilt. Guilt. Guilt._


	3. Act 3

Act 3 – Murderer

_Knock knock knock_. "Nana, c'mon out!" Shinn called me for the third time today. I didn't bother to answer him like every other time. I continued to lie on my bed, guilt stricken. Shinn continued to knock while my stomach grumbled. _Maybe I should go out for some…No!_ Even if I was a little hungry it didn't compare to _dying_ like that gundam I shot down. Shinn soon ceased from making noise and the hours wore on.

Now, it was midnight. Everyone was probably asleep by now. _A walk_, best idea yet today instead of staying cooped up in my room all day. When the door opened I glanced down to see Shinn fast asleep by my door. Crouching close to him I studied his features, soft like a baby. With my finger I poked his pale cheek, causing him to shake his head in his sleep. I was about to poke him again but my stomach after no consumption whatsoever grumbled…thus waking Shinn up.

"Finally coming out, hm?" He said, sitting up. I ignored his words and poked him again. "Hey, stop." He grabbed a hold of my wrist.

Silence. I was dead-set on being a mute and he was waiting for a reply, too bad for him. Finally he gave into my gaze with a slight sigh, "What's wrong, stupid? If you don't tell me how do I know what to say? What to do…how to comfort you?" He was serious about it as he let go of my wrist.

"What can I say to you?" I gave in also, "When you do it, you feel no guilt because it's your belief, it's _righteousness_ to you."

"What do you mean?" He ran his fingers through his hair, his ruby eyes glanced downwards before meeting mine.

"Murder! Killing! How can you shoot someone down like it doesn't matter at all?!" I burst.

"Because they're criminals! They're trying to get in the way of a peaceful world! They want the war to continue unlike us!" Shinn truly believed in the chairman's words.

Looking down at the shiny floor I smiled slightly, "So that gives us the right to kill them? To take human lives like we're better, we're _god_ to them?" I looked up to meet his gaze.

"You're crying." He said simply as if it was unbelievable. His arms reached over to embrace me but I pushed them away as I got up.

"Shinn, Asuka Shinn…you are naive!" I screamed at him as I finally lost it, "I'm not like all of you! I'm not _heartless_, I will cry, I will feel guilty when I kill and avoid it at best as I can because those ones who pilot a gundam or are part of the enemy are still people like us! _They are human!_" Tears were streaming down my face as I slammed my body on the wall across from Shinn. I slid down to my floor as my knees buckled. "How can you still eat…how can you still breathe, live…how can you still sleep at night knowing that you just might've killed someone? What if that person had a family, warm friends, a place to call home to go to every night…and after you killed that person they lost it all, they left their loves ones with a hole in their heart… How can you?! How could you?!

"How can you still be willing to exist?" I cried my heart out then, not caring about anything or anyone anymore. My head buried in my knees I felt Shinn wrap his arms around me, I didn't have the energy to push him away anymore.

"I don't know." He answered before joining me in crying. We fell asleep like that in the chilly hallway.


End file.
